Attachment fathering

I've mentioned in a previous post that we did not set out to be attachment parents, and that the decision to exclusively breastfeed changed all that for me. Baby J and I are very lucky to have a dad who wants to be just as involved in infant care as mom (that guy in the picture isn't dad btw, it's the guy from Twilight:). We are also fortunate enough to be able to work from home, so we were both around a lot in the first months of baby J's life. 

Now, I'm a big believer that men and women are equally responsible for child care and was surprised when I had to repeatedly entertain questions from people who were in awe that my husband knows how to change a diaper. Having gone through the intensity of the first few months of motherhood though, I realize that it is difficult for dads to be involved, especially when mom is breastfeeding. Also, the level of involvement in infant care in the very beginning can determine how much dad can help around when baby gets bigger, so moms, start them early! 

What can dads do in the first couple of months? First, take as many days off as he can after the baby is born and BE HOME during those days. Second, while mom takes charge of all the "input" (i.e. feeding), dad takes charge of all or most of the "output" (i.e., pee, poop, spit-up). Third, while the nursing mom is dealing with all-day feeding sessions during those growth spurt days, dad can be around to bring water, lampin, change the channel on the tv, anything tired ol' mom needs. After all, between nursing and pumping in those first couple of months mom really has very little time for anything else. Finally, dad should put baby to sleep often. This gives the two of them some alone time and dad can be 100% comfortable holding and talking to and rocking his progeny. This is how Baby J and I got an attachment dad. 

I think the most important determinant of whether this will work is the mother. I am completely aware that I can be a control freak with the kid, I want things done my way and when my husband is changing his diaper and I don't like his style of doing it, I want to take the baby and do it myself. The trick is to fight the urge to do that (unless the baby is in real danger of getting hurt, which is almost never the case anyway). So now my husband changes diapers, does the nighttime bath, puts the baby down for his naps when possible, and by the looks of it they both enjoy it very much. 

It's quite wonderful to take care of a baby, more when s/he hits the 3-month mark than in the first couple of months admittedly, and if dad was not fully involved from the start he can miss out on all the fun later on. Equal parenting folks, whenever possible, it's a beautiful thing.