My one-year anniversary of breastfeeding

Ok so in reality what it really is, is my son's 1-year birthday. He had his party, which I begrudgingly granted my mother-in-law who was crestfallen when we first told her that a party was not going to happen. Back to the point. One year of breastfeeding, he had his party, now I am having mine.

What are the things I have had to deal with?

1. My mom constantly asking me how much longer I am planning to breastfeed. At first I didn't pay her any mind, I'm used to shrugging off the things she says. Lately though it's been really getting on my nerves, partly because she never stops asking and partly because her motives for wanting me to stop are completely irrelevant. Those motives as I see them are: so I can finally get to doing real exercise and get back to a size 4, so she can take the baby places without me, so my boobs can shrink back to normal size and I can wear correct-fitting clothes again, and so the baby doesn't become too much of a mama's boy.
2. A baby who is big enough to start really hurting me when nursing. He is a high-strung fidgety kind of kid, even when he is nursing to fall asleep he constantly kicks me in the stomach and pinches me.
3. Teeth. Lots of them.
4. Solid food on the boob. This is pretty disgusting. He will be eating fried chicken then 10 minutes later will want to nurse. Open wide! What do I see? Bits of chicken in his mouth ready to be washed down with breastmilk. Ick.
5. Pumping. I am so sick of pumping now I must confess. The good thing is, I hardly ever pump anymore. I have been breastfeeding long enough now that i'm pretty confident my supply is constant. So long as I am not away from him for more than 6 hours at a time then I don't have to bring a pump around. At this age babies also don't drink that much milk anymore, so demand is also lower.
6. Missing my boobs. My old boobs. The reasonable-sized ones that were high up on my chest and didnt' make me look like i was going to tip over because they messed with my center of gravity.

I used to say I will know when to stop breastfeeding because I would never get used to the idea of a toddler walking over to me in his shoes and shorts asking for dede. Yet here I am. You know why I'm still doing it? Because weaning is hard. It is hard for me, hard for baby, hard for daddy. It is a long project and is going to be emotionally draining. So I postpone because I'm a coward. I do expect to be fully depressed once he weans. It'll be so sad. I'll have more freedom, but i'll miss it so.

Attachment fathering

I've mentioned in a previous post that we did not set out to be attachment parents, and that the decision to exclusively breastfeed changed all that for me. Baby J and I are very lucky to have a dad who wants to be just as involved in infant care as mom (that guy in the picture isn't dad btw, it's the guy from Twilight:). We are also fortunate enough to be able to work from home, so we were both around a lot in the first months of baby J's life. 

Now, I'm a big believer that men and women are equally responsible for child care and was surprised when I had to repeatedly entertain questions from people who were in awe that my husband knows how to change a diaper. Having gone through the intensity of the first few months of motherhood though, I realize that it is difficult for dads to be involved, especially when mom is breastfeeding. Also, the level of involvement in infant care in the very beginning can determine how much dad can help around when baby gets bigger, so moms, start them early! 

What can dads do in the first couple of months? First, take as many days off as he can after the baby is born and BE HOME during those days. Second, while mom takes charge of all the "input" (i.e. feeding), dad takes charge of all or most of the "output" (i.e., pee, poop, spit-up). Third, while the nursing mom is dealing with all-day feeding sessions during those growth spurt days, dad can be around to bring water, lampin, change the channel on the tv, anything tired ol' mom needs. After all, between nursing and pumping in those first couple of months mom really has very little time for anything else. Finally, dad should put baby to sleep often. This gives the two of them some alone time and dad can be 100% comfortable holding and talking to and rocking his progeny. This is how Baby J and I got an attachment dad. 

I think the most important determinant of whether this will work is the mother. I am completely aware that I can be a control freak with the kid, I want things done my way and when my husband is changing his diaper and I don't like his style of doing it, I want to take the baby and do it myself. The trick is to fight the urge to do that (unless the baby is in real danger of getting hurt, which is almost never the case anyway). So now my husband changes diapers, does the nighttime bath, puts the baby down for his naps when possible, and by the looks of it they both enjoy it very much. 

It's quite wonderful to take care of a baby, more when s/he hits the 3-month mark than in the first couple of months admittedly, and if dad was not fully involved from the start he can miss out on all the fun later on. Equal parenting folks, whenever possible, it's a beautiful thing. 

Yes I am a Cliche: Attachment Parent

I never set out to be a Dr. Sears attachment parent. I thought I was a Manila Mom at heart, with yaya on hand wherever I went and leaving most of the tasks of infant care to someone else. I don't believe that having a nanny takes the bond away from the mom, same way I don’t believe that formula-fed infants have less of a bond with his mom than breastfed infants. Yet somehow I ended up being a full-blown breastfeeding, baby-carrying, co-sleeping, cloth-diapering, crunchy granola Dr. Sears fan-girl. 

Intermission: Check this out! Babywearing around the world. 

It all changed between childbirth and month 2 of having an infant. It all changed because of breastfeeding. I am stubborn, and goddammit I wasn’t about to get beat on this breastfeeding thing! With the pedia on speed-dial on-the-ready in case we wanted to buy our first can of formula, I slogged through the constant nursing and all the pain and sleeplessness associated with it. When you're nursing a growth-spurting infant, co-sleeping is a survival tactic. It will help everyone in the family get more sleep and stay more sane.

Exclusively breastfed babies can either poop a lot, or hardly poop at all. Our baby pooped EVERY SINGLE TIME HE ATE! That meant 12 or more diaper changes in a 24-hour period for at least 2 months. That's a LOT of diapers to throw out if you're on disposables. I never thought I would cloth diaper, it sounded like a lot of laundry, but when you need a dozen disposables a day they no longer are affordable! We could see the money being thrown into the garbage, all covered in poop. So cloth diapering it became. Then as you start to move around and try to get work done around or outside the house you have to bring your baby with you, hence, the babywearing, which incidentally also helps you make more milk.

The whole Dr. Sears attachment parenting system all cascades down from a singular decision to breastfeed exclusively. Since I did all of it, the babywearing the co-sleeping the everything else, there was really little room for a yaya. Of course I am very fortunate to be able to do this because I didn't have to go back to work full-time after 2 months. I am in awe of all those who did and successfully maintained the bfing (see chronicles).

All the other tenets of attachment parenting are based on what will make life easier for you if you breastfeed. Not that it's impossible to do on the bf part and have baby in a crib and stroller and disposable diapers, it is possible, it's probably just harder on mom.